The Theory of Dick Pictures.
May23
There’s one worse offender online than Fetlife, in my experience: Craigslist. I’ve never actually hooked up with anyone off CL, but reading the ads, especially the casual encounters ads, is hilarious.
WOMEN ON CASUAL ENCOUNTERS: I want to meet, fuck, and then you leave. I might have a husband, but that’s none of your concern. Nonsmokers only, email me to meet at a fleabag hotel so we can get our bone on. Men who don’t want to know my name are considered a bonus. Let’s do this. (Rarely: Here’s a pic of me in a cocktail dress with my face blurred out.)
MEN ON CASUAL ENCOUNTERS: HAY BABE I GOT THE MEAT YOU WANT, HERE’S A PICTURE OF MY PENIS.
And that’s it. Just a big pic of a hairy dick. Usually in the guy’s hand. Nothing more.
Geez Omar.
Freakin’ amateur hour.
Noob is as noob does.
OMG, this. As a woman who’s used CL before…
One ad. Say, a hundred and twenty replies. Seventy-five or so would be nothing but said dick pictures. Then go through and delete the ones who want you to fly across the country, the ones that show an unwholesome interest in either your home address or bank balance, and the ones written in untranslated gibberish with bonus capslock. Answer the rest. Repeat filtering process. The resultant shortlist will be fewer than ten, probably under five.
When you think about it, those two ads are a perfect match.
I don’t know I’ve had an odd amount of success with craigslist, but I also use it ta play a terrible game/contest with my friends.
You think the m4w or w4m ads are bad, you should check out the m4t ads sometime. Ye gods.
*checks it out*
Seeking someone regular – m4t – 42 (Ft Worth)
You know, nothing against my trans friends, but I don’t think you would call this “regular.”
And as someone who has been messing around on the internet hook up sites for WAY too many years – Please, for the love of FSM, can someone PLEASE tell these guys that NO WOMAN EVER has desired a photo of you from navel to knees. I don’t care about your pot belly and hairy balls. Honest. For real. Send me a picture of your cat, ffs. Or your truck, if you must prove you are a “real man.” Anything. Not your cock. Thanks. (I like cock, but in REAL LIFE)
May His Noodly Appendage touch you.
But avoid the Japanese one.
And this is the part where a customer walks in. It never freaking fails. Make lewd jokes in a loud voice, customer is there. Admit to a realy embarresing mistake. Customer. Have a freak accident that makes you look like a tool/perv. Many customers.
Draw dicks on the blackboard? Murphys law would have this cause a stampede of customers.
I don’t know, I’m certainly not straight (clearly identified as ‘bisexual’) and I’m happy to report that I don’t get dick pictures sent to me on FL. No, I’m not complaining about that lack! I’d attribute it to my profile very clearly saying that I don’t have desire nor time for another partner, but I know better than that. (I’ve also seen some of the mail that my female partners get there … no, these guys are most certainly NOT reading the profiles!)
Punnett Squares to explain the innernets, Science has reached a new high point.
I nearly did it as a graph joke instead, but that would have forced Zack Weiner to stab me.
Having dated from both CL and FL I can say that you go to FL for ‘freaks’ and freaks are just a consequence of CL.
For me, Xpeeps was the worst for dick pics. Even straight guys got them. Most often from guys wanting to get into the porn business. So glad there’s much less of them on Fetlife.
Maybe you could get Jessica “ThisIsIndexed.com” Hagy to do it as a graph joke… though her stuff is usually pretty clean….