Communication, it’s imperative in all relationships. Mono AND Poly.
ADD: Ugh. The government shuts down, and ruins my SQL DB connection with it. THANKS, OBAMA.
Asking…? like real words…? with voice…? Face to face…? No texting? Wow that’s unique.
Okay, here’s my declaration of intent to date you officially. Now, all I need is a notary. and your signature here… here… and initial here. Sign and date here. Great, now we just file this with your intent to have naughty and ravenous possibly illegal(in Texas) sex. What you haven’t signed that one yet? Darnit we have to start all over.
Can’t be notarized. Government is on furlough.
Hahaha! My relationship started like this… I think my exact words were, “Yes, I am hitting on you.” Sometimes bluntness really helps!
It was pretty funny. I honestly had no idea if he’d be game, given that I had been eminently clear that I was poly, that that wasn’t changing, and that I’m not interested in casual.
Meanwhile, his side was something like: O.O Did she just ask me out? O.O I think she did! O.O Women do that? O.O I guess it’s okay to flirt with her! O.O
For someone so hot, he really has no idea when women are hitting on him. I point it out, and he STILL doesn’t see it. (Future people interested in my boyfriend, should he ever decide he wants to be poly too: I suggest the use of the phrase “I am hitting on you”.)
communication came later on that night. the club was too loud. she sat on my lap. that certainly got the message across for me
THis whole thing is very reminiscent of the early 70’s. Except, we didn’t have so many terms (Poly? Primary? Secondary? Oh wow. Too technical..)
And NObody “dated”. You went out for coffee. Usually as a group.
Later you might pair up.
Asking “You wanna fuck?” was actually a polite thing to say.
You were someone’s ol’ man or ol’ lady, and then usually only if you lived together.
As of about 10-15 years ago, it was “Nice boots.”
I know he isn’t real but Mick is so dumb it hurts my brain to read this sometimes.
Here’s the thing I’ve realized: Relationships are like dancing. Everyone knows a dance, they grab a partner, get out on the floor and start dancing their ass off. But you may be attempting a Waltz while your partner is trying to approximate a Tango, maybe some of that freaky bump and grind those youths are up to now a days. But you’re just gonna keep stepping on each others toes until you learn to pay attention to what your partner is doing and learn to communicate with them about what you want to do as well.
Seems a pretty boiler plate analogy. The thing to remember is that most people hit the dance floor with a type of dance in mind. It might be the only one they know. They may think that it’s the only dance anyone knows. So as they’re watching this partner perform a near perfect Tango if you’re lucky they’re thinking “This… this is a very unique interpretation of a Waltz you are attempting.” If you’re not so lucky they’re probably going “OMG you are breaking so many rules! You do not know how to dance. I am outta here.”
Mick might be pretty good at communicating about his kind of dance. What I’m seeing is that he just never realized there’s a hell of a lot of other dance styles out there. There’s some new interpretive shit that’s really freaky looking. Might not even look like dancing if all you’ve seen is classic ballroom style.
Might at this point be looking a bit like this to him: http://youtu.be/GnMZVLo4yS8
This is, by the way, the same folly of asking a same-sex couple “Which is the girl and which is the guy in the relationship?” News flash: They don’t subscribe to your assumed dynamic.
I love the dance analogy. Unfortunately, I don’t think Mick is any good at communicating even within the dance style that he knows.
I remember the facepalm moment when I realized how incredibly stupid of a question “Which is the girl and which is the guy in the relationship?” was. Now it grates on me when I hear other people ask it, but I try to remind myself that I was that misinformed once too. (Of course, some same-sex relationships DO have a dynamic like that. The great thing about relationships is that they don’t need to follow a prescribed dynamic; ultimately, if it makes the people involved happy, it counts as “right”.)
I don’t think either of them are communicating well enough. Period.
However, look at it from Mick’s view. He cheated, swallowed his pride and called his girl to give her the bad news. (So he is communicating as far as he understands the dance) He knows how this plays out. He’s prepped to take his lumps and then gets handed a curve ball. Honestly several curve balls. She’s not angry at him for cheating, she’s been up to about the same and is saying it’s not cheating, and he just found out he’s not even dating her!
At which point his brain probably hits a error code that says you can’t cheat on someone you’re not even dating. Can you? CAN YOU?
At this point his brain may very well hang indefinitely and need a reboot. I’m voting for ‘get drunk and laid’ as a viable reboot strategy. Course I may just want to see more sexy drawings of Alex.
Oh, and thank you about the dance analogy!
And I agree on your comments about the same-sex relationship and what ever makes ya happy is your ‘right’.
> maybe some of that freaky bump and grind those youths are up to now a days.
Gosh darn whippersnappers!
Get off my lawn!
Dem Utes, always gettin’ up to sumptin’.
Not so much “dumb” as “seriously inexperienced.”
It’s a condition that goes away over time.
this is hilariously similar to how my now wife and I started dating. She was poly when we met, and was until we mutually decided to be monogamous. She was open about all of it to begin with, and I knew she was poly before we started dating, but I have to say, it did wonders for our communication.
And here I always thought “going out on dates and having sex” WAS “dating” but if you weren’t “in a relationship” it was “JUST dating”. See how confusing it is?
I don’t know why it is, but anything remotely related to relationships (let alone sex) automatically drifts into euphemism-land, and we intentionally make it hard to communicate. “Well, we’ve been going out on dates, but we’re not ‘going out’ or ‘dating’.” “I love her, but I’m not in love with her.” Gods! Add in that having sex with somebody usually but not reliably indicates that you’re monogamous (assuming no prior understanding), and it’s no wonder Mick is confused. (Not that he isn’t still both naive and dense, but it’d be confusing enough even if he wasn’t.)
Take notes, this WILL be on the test!
Men. Yes, sometimes we really are that dense.
I’m *always* that dense.
I gave my girlfriend a big foam bat with “Clue” written on it. At first she was mad, thinking I was telling her she needed to get a clue. I told her, “It’s so you can hit me over the head with a clue bat when I miss it.”
Ditto, Bikergeek. If you melted me down, you could float lead on me.
The worst is when you’re chatting with an old female friend and you find out that she was interested in you at the same time you were interested in her and you completely missed it. *facepalm*
Yes, you are.
I know way too many people who are commenting here. It’s a bit worrysome.
And the lack of which is what terminated 100% of my past relationships…
*bang*.. right on the head, J…
Exactly! I think I will be sharing this comic (and the last few) with some of my poly friends.
I have been sharing with my poly friends. Well just the one. I’m sure the others will get it soonly..
“Easier to ask permission than to post bail”
I’m stealing this.
J – this is another great t-shirt waiting to be made.
yep, been there before… current GF had to practically hit me over the head with it to tell me it was ok to ask her to be my GF.
communications problems are a royal bitch. absolutely, if you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, FWB, whatever, you need to talk to them. and don’t blow them off if they say they need to talk. i guaruntee you, no matter how busy you are, you can spend five minutes talking to the person you rub crotches with.
Speaking of communication, WTF with the SQL connection? I freaked when I couldn’t connect earlier today.
Did you break shit?
Thought about it.
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