Break out the popcorn buckets.

So the story is growing in audience. As noted in previous posts, Mel and I are burners. And on Saturday, something new happened at a regional burn in Utah. Namely: during the effigy burn at a regional in Utah, a dude jumped into the effigy fire and died.

The news rippled through the burner community, and everyone is shocked and horrified. Most of them are assuming suicide,a nd even law enforcement has said the same.

Now, here’s the thing:

I found a video of the dude in his last moments on earth, and I don’t think it was attempted suicide.

I’m not posting the video I found, sorry, it’s one that was made privately available. But I’ve watched it repeatedly, and I really do think this guy was just high and/or drunk, and decided to see if he could make a legend of his name by running through the effigy fire and coming out the other side. Let me repeat that, as it bears a little breakdown: this dude thought, in his (probably VERY inebriated) state of mind, that he could run THROUGH the effigy, which was likely flaming at over 1000 degrees F at the time.

Not smart, no. But if you see the video, he doesn’t have the air of a suicide. He has the demeanor of Evel Kneivel psyching up for a badass stunt. In reality, the best case he could have expected? He runs through a 20 yard wide bonfire at speed, fries 80% of his body, and dies a week later in a burn ward.

That’s not what happened, of course. In the video, you can see him run in, and hit the flaming structure at speed. It shudders and he’s down and gone. Leaving behind a fire team that has no idea what to do at first, but then realizes that the dude’s a fucking lost cause anyway.

So yeah. This isn’t even about being at a burn. The moral of this story? Don’t fucking try to run through bonfires, no matter how hella bitchin’ rad you think people will call you if you pull it off. You won’t pull it off. You will sizzle and cook and die in the most painful way possible. You will seriously fuck up the minds of everyone who was there, and not in a good way.

Don’t be that guy.