I’ve said before, and I’ll say again: If I ever get married again (and that would involve something going heinously wrong in my current, awesome marriage, so this is purely hypothetical), I’m pushing to skip the ceremony and reception, taking that money, and heading with my new bride to Cancun for a week.

I’ve had two marriage ceremonies. Both times, I was a monkey in a tux. Both times, we spent way too much money, in order to throw a killer party. And both times, we succeeded. But if I have to do it again? Omar and I are of one mind – at this late stage in the game, I’d take the money and run off to a beach where I could look at my bride in a bikini and chug dollar margaritas all day while getting a horrible case of early onset skin cancer. Then possibly have a small party at our house long after. (Don’t ask me where I’d get a bikini that fits me.)

I know a lot of gun detractors see us armed citizens as Rambo-wannabes, but hey, sometimes that shit works out exactly as us gun nuts forsee it.

Let’s do more Yankee Marshall.