The Morning After 4
Aug09
Back me up fellas – even grown men get trepidatious and nervous meeting their girlfriend’s dad, right? Right?
Shout out to Smokey Hynes for making me feel like a nervous teen when I started dating his daughter, who I’ve now been with for 10 years. Best Father-In-Law I could have hoped for. Still afraid he might kill me.
Creepy McRimfire…we meet again!
I try to be one of those dads.
When my daughter first brought home her (now husband) boyfriend, I handed him a list of “10 simple rules for dating my daughter”. Which included such bons mot as: ‘If you pull into the driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a pizza, ’cause you sure as hell ain’t picking anything up.’, and ‘Do not touch my daughter in front of me. If you cannot keep your hands off my daughter, I will remove them. At the shoulder.’
He’s been very well behaved since I showed him my guns…
Hahaha epic, absolutely brilliant. I’m not a Father but I’m a very protective big brother…. Gave one of my sisters boyfriends a swift word, now he calls me sir. Needless to say, I like the kid.
Yup, and then you tell him that he’s the choice of broadsword or battle axe for the arm removal. Then show him the wall full of them. For some reason, blades make more of an impression than guns… Although I tend to do housework wearing a kilt and broadsword… 🙂
I do the same to my little sisters. And I pop up in random places from time to time. Abandoned RR tracks near the house, all the kids go and light a bonfire and have a party. I usually go and stay on the outskirts. Friend of mine works in the CVS, saw him going in, called her, asked her what he was buying, waited outside the store leaning against the wall, tap his shoulder as he comes out
“I appreciate the fact that you know of safe sex by buying condoms, but I have to wonder why you need them, or who else you’re dating because I know you’re not going to be needing them with my little sister, are you?”
He kind of went white with that one. But I’ll never forget the one boyfriend who got too big for his britches. I give him credit, he was good, he managed to pick me out of the crowds pretty well and I had a hard time ruffling his feathers. But he got overconfident, pretty much told me to stop trying, that I’d never manage to get close enough to him without him seeing me. I kinda smiled and nodded.
Took a family trip to the shooting range with him the next weekend and I proceeded to shoot a steel shilouette target, 5 for 5 at 1,200 yards with my .338 Lapua. Walking back to the quad I just smiled “Who said I ever needed to get close to you?”
I pray I never have a kid, and pray if I do it’s not a little girl, because I honestly feel so very sorry for any guy that would attempt to date her.
Yeah, I have an ex out in Michigan, her daddy pulled out this .45 wheel gun with one of those little lasers in the handgrip. Damn near broke his heart when I popped the cylinder, sighted down the lines and told him that his barrel was dirty. Dude didn’t scare me half so much as one girl whose dad told me that we should just shack up and screw instead of getting hitched. Hippies give me the willies.
Yep, perfectly natural to be scared of a woman’s dad.
Oh man, my girlfriend and I had been together for a few years, living together the whole nine before her dad really found the right time to bust out his “intimidating dad” speech.
We’d just moved out of the house of someone who wasn’t comfortable with guns and for her birthday my gf wanted a gun, this led to us going out shooting for pretty much the first time ever with her dad. We discovered that not only did he own two pistols but he was damn good shot. At one point while she’d wandered off he turned to me and gave me a speech and I wish I could remember it but the summary was he owned the guns to protect his family and he was pretty much ready to protect his family from any harm any time.
In my head I thought that this was a little odd and I wasn’t 100% sure if he was implying what I thought he was implying. Than he turned, aimed and shot the crappy target stand we’d bodged together in half with a few well placed shots, than turned to me smiled and wandered off to find his daughter.
When I shared the story with her later she laughed, told me he was saying exactly what I thought he was saying and that he obviously liked me because that was the nicest, politest boyfriend threatening she’d ever heard him do.
I took a friend to a dance once. She didn’t have a date. I wasn’t interested in her. She wanted to go to her homecoming dance. So I was being friendly and took her. Her father KNEW I wasn’t dating her. But in front of about 30 people, he did the “touch my daughter and I’ll cut it off, have her home by midnight” bit. She was furious. So we left the dance early, screwed, and I had her home by midnight. Viola, dad. Viola.
I think you mean ‘voila’ translation ‘see there’ or ‘look at that’ instead of referring to a violin’s big brother. N’est ce pas?
Yes, I’m a spelling nazi in 1.5 languages. Cheers,
Ranger ..Dad rules are so last century. Show them mom who demonstrates how to/ or makes them clean a shot gun. Then Asks, “DO REALLY WANT TO WAKE ME UP BY BRING MY DAUGHTER HOME LATE”. Now one of the daughter is bitching because it worked and after she broke up with her, the ex boy friend still goes shooting with her parents.
Or that story how the wife tells it.
Daughter of a guy on my shooting team needed a date for her prom (I was in my early 20s). Showed up to pick her up, and dad was on the couch with a .50 Smith carbine. Quoth I, “Ken, have you figured out why that thing’s not grouping for shit, yet?”.
My first experience meeting my future wife’s father happened long before we were dating, but it had an intimidation factor all its own. I met her at a summer “camp” (I use the word camp in the loosest sense, we weren’t really roughing it). She lived in a different state so the only time I got to see her was for one week a year. It was my second or third year there and her family pulls in. Out of the drivers seat steps a rather large, broad shouldered man with a decent jawline, shaved head and, I shit you not, a genuine eyepatch. All I could think was “dear lord, her father is a James Bond villain”.
In our defense, most of the most interesting girls are that way because they had fucking awesome dads/moms to begin with. That or our families just screwed with us until we decided it wasn’t worth trying to make both them and ourselves happy, but that’s beside the point.
I got to bypass most of the crazy parental bs because I didn’t really start dating until I got out of the house, but my aunt tells this story about bringing home a guy for the first time and walking in to grandpa (her dad) cleaning his shotguns and dad (her brother) sharpening his knives. This was apparently followed by grandpa telling him he better show his daughter a good time, but not too good of a time, and to have her home by ten. She was home by nine-thirty and the guy never called her back.
You bastard. I just noticed today that you have mouseOver text. Now I have to go back and re-read all the strips. 😉
Aw, SHIT. *grumble, starts trolling archives*
DAMNIT
One day you will learn that that is the first thing you need to do when visiting a new webcomic.
Depends on the father, when he’s a military veteran-some of them are scary. My current FIL is a “legend” in the submarine community for his shenanigans and is still talked about in the nuclear submarine navy. Prior to that my would be FIL was a NAM Medic who went out with Marine 1st Recon and other spec war units to kill and be the guy who patched them up. Yup, I will admit to being scared of them.
Since my girlfriend is a Texas girl through and through, when I first met her father I half expected him to be sitting on his porch cleaning his shotgun, waiting for us to arrive. Fortunately I couldn’t have been more wrong and her family has been awesome to me.
Funny story: last year at Christmastime my parents were visiting us. We all went down to visit my girlfriend’s family for Christmas and on Christmas Eve her dad, my dad and I went out to a field near their house and we all tried out some shotguns. Happy Christmas Eve indeed.
cheers,
Phil
M82 Barrett. Reach out and touch someone a mile away, on the opposite side of a brick wall.
My erstwhile father-in-law doesn’t do that sort of intimidation, but he is a lawyer and it comes across very clearly in his conversational style. Even though I was in my mid 30’s when I first met him, I still felt rather like I was being cross-examined! After being around for enough family gatherings and listening to his conversations with my partner, her sister, or her sister’s husband, I realized it wasn’t something he was doing to me, that’s just the way he gets information from people.
Of course it was rather funny a few months ago when I was unable to go along on a family day trip, so my partner and our mutual girlfriend went without me. At some point, the girlfriend and my FiL were away from the rest of the family for a bit and she got the exact same kind of cross-examination style questioning! “Welcome to the family.”
I had a co-worker ask once why we were so nervous about meeting the girl’s family. Since no one else was volunteering, I stepped up.
“OK, first of all it takes courage to ask you out. Then it takes courage to show up to your house, ON TIME, and walk to the front door. Then it takes courage to ring the doorbell. So there we are, feeling confident, feeling brave, the door opens and we discover that your dad and brothers have an interest in bladed weapons and firearms that they want to share with us.”
Worst one for me was the daughter of a local sheriff. He didn’t make any SPECIFIC threats… But he did make mention that he was familiar with the locations of all the make-out areas, and that there was a location near one of them where the cartel guys dumped bodies.
The only one who intimidated me was my Ex’s dad, who’s a city cop, maybe because I grew up with a health fear and respect for the police. Even my current F-i-L isn’t that scary, in spite of his being a 20-yr Army vet, because I’m used to old Sgts (was around quite a few at the time when I met the current wife, since I was in the State Guard at the time).
When I met my wife’s dad, he didn’t scare me at all. Mainly because at the time, I had absolutely no intentions of dating her.
Mainly because at the time, she was five.
As a senior in High School in the early 1970s, I met a gal and asked her to meet me at a couple football games. Soon, we decided to start dating but she warned me ahead of time that her Dad (retired Army) could be intimidating because he was 6′ 5″ and over 300 pounds. It turned out he was a teddy bear but her oldest brother wasn’t. He is about 6″3 and holds a black belt (I think 4th dan) and at that time he taught advanced hand-to-hand combat, “mixed” martial arts and advanced nastiness to our Special Forces. One time while in Manilla he was jumped by a gang of 8 (not the Senate) and not one of them walked away from the the attack. One evening I went to pick up my g/f and he answered the door with a question: “What makes you think you are good enough to date my little sister?” Somehow, I maintained my poker face and said, “I’m not sure she’s good enough to date me, yet.” He let me in. Whew! And so began a 6 year relationship. Oh, and he was a teddy bear, too!
I’m the oldest out of three girls, and I took it upon myself to be the honorary protective older brother figure when my youngest sister dated her first boyfriend in high school. I gave him the usual “you better not hurt her or else” spiel. I later learned that apparently I really freaked him out, even though I was five foot and a hundred pounds. Must have been the fact that I dressed all in black, wore combat boots, and had green hair at the time. (;
“10 simple rules for dating my daughter”, huh?
I only had one:
“You make her cry, I make you cry.”
First boyfriend didn’t believe me. Her first date, she was so excited, and the little b’tard peed all over her dream. He dropped her off in the driveway, in tears, blouse torn. He’d wanted her to give up something she wasn’t ready to give up. My brother and I found him with all of his little buddies at the Sonic, I got one hand on his throat, one on his sac, lifted and squeezed until he was blubbering worse than she had. His buddies really respected him for weeping like that.
Told him, “You can have me arrested. I’ll be out in the morning. And then I’ll be pissed. You choose.
Years later the boys still remembered. Daughter got pissed at me, boys were afraid to kiss her even when she wanted them to. Heh-heh.
I’ll be the boring one. My dad never met any of my boyfriends (to be fair, I’ve only had 3 in 23 years.), and, quite frankly, even if I do meet one that I feel right to bring home with me, I’ll tell them to not pay attention to my dad. He’s a drunken ass that I’m personally 5 steps from disowning if he keeps up his racist, homophobic shit.
Now my mom on the other hand, she’s the one those poor men would need to look out for. She doesn’t take kindly to either me or my little sister having to put up with any shit.
I am a dad. No guns, but I got into an interesting debate with a fellow father a while back. We were arguing the merits of aluminum vs wood baseball bats. I initially favoured aluminum, mainly for durability. But the other guy made a really good point: a pile of broken and bloody bats by the door makes one hell of a deterrent display. A combination of warning sign and trophy case, if you will.