Before anyone says it, I don’t hate Austin. Omar does, and he’s fictional. I like partying there sometimes. With good people. Unfortunately, a lot of Austinites are hipster elitist douchebags. But not you, if you’re reading this and living in Austin. I’m sure you’re perfectly groovy. For reals!

This is the week of my birthday, and as always, I’m looking to get funds for a tattoo. This year, I need to get a life-sized print of Mel’s combat boot on my left ass cheek. I’m going to have her step on a pan of ink, then step on paper, and then that gets tattooed on my ass. I promised her this a long time ago, and totally forgot, and dag nabbit, I need a bootprint on my ass. Because I’m ridiculous. See the donation links below.

And now, music.