I have dealt with law enforcement a few times. I always find it wryly amusing that they give you their phone number, “Just in case you remember something.”

Motherfucker, please. I just spent two hours with you giving all the details about how someone sneaked into my gated backyard and burglarized my car. The fuck you think I’m going to suddenly “remember”? “Oh, hey, officer, I totes forgot that I had an infrared camera in my backyard, and I got footage of the perp, including his face!”

Bitch, please. Motherfuckers want you to do their job for them.

On that note: