Would you believe this is not the lamest excuse I’ve heard during a breakup? I won’t tell you the WORST I’ve heard, because that was the worst breakup of my life. But here are a few excuses I’ve heard:
– I have a fetish. It’s a cheating fetish.
– If you didn’t want me to take the money you had on your desk, you shouldn’t have left it laying there. (Not an actual prostitute!)
– Jesus said we should break up. He told me.
Yes. Really. I’ve heard all these lines and more.
In other news, I was just reminded of this song for the first time in years, and I figure I can poison your brains with it as well.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a traditional breakup.
My first big one was when I enlisted in the Army. Didn’t tell my girlfriend. Desert Storm was going on and I had no idea she opposed it. She had no idea I was enlisting. That miscommunication was cleared up when I crossed her picket line in front of the recruiting office. We didn’t say a word to each other at that encounter, and never spoke again.
Second big breakup of my life occurred while I was stationed in Germany. Walked into my room in the barracks to find my girlfriend with my roommate and four guys from the scout platoon. I just walked out. Didn’t speak to her. What pissed me off most was they were on MY bunk. Goddamn scouts. On the plus side, I married the girl I picked up at the club on the rebound. Our twentieth wedding anniversary will be in December.
Well damn son, you really got full force out of that rebound.
I’ve never had a break-up excuse beyond the traditional “let’s just be friends.” Then again, the women I seem to draw tend to lean towards the “actions speak louder than words” side of the crazy spectrum. After all, nothing says “it’s not you, it’s me” like finding out about your breakup from her next-of-kin . . . .
Ok, that is the best bottom text, ever.
One ex-fiancee breakup. Result was my first born daughter was placed for adoption (Texas wasn’t/isn’t dad-friendly in that respect). Fortunately it was an open adoption so I get letter and pictures and such.
Multiple ex-girlfriend breakups. One resulted in her calling from college and her laying out the reasons we should call it quits. When I agreed with her she kinda went off the deep end a bit since she scheduled a 2 hour block for this breakup call and I was supposed to argue with her, etc, etc. Haven’t spoken with her much since then. Another one was a break-up via a “Dear John” BDay card and a Dagger left on my doorstep on my birthday. I still occasionally talk to this one. 😉
Absolutely. BTW what kind of dagger was it?
Post pics of the dagger, please Indigo. Yes I have a dagger fetish…. well not really.
Dear John letter. Via Email. While I was on a 6 month WestPac (Navy). At Xmas.
I have several tattoos and very little memory of the rest of the inport visits although my mom says there were a few choice phonecalls.
Funny thing is she’s the only ex I still talk to.
I’ve only had one breakup that I’d consider somewhat crazy. I started dating someone I’d been interested in for years, then did the panicky guy thing and broke it off (I was only 21, cut me some slack). Didn’t see her for a while after that and eventually started dating a new girl. After running into my ex I realized I still had feelings for her. Being a decent guy I did the honorable thing, came clean to my current girlfriend and broke it off.
Her response? “You’ve been emotionally cheating on me!!!”
“It is your fault I cheated on you, you went out of town for the weekend!”
I was NOT expecting Heidi to be the fuckup in this relationship.
Also, LOL @ Sluggy Freelance.
oh look, she’s leaving the door wide open for Miss Bluehair.
this is not a bad thing.
Yet more proof that Adolf ‘Hitler’ Schickelgruber and ‘Filthy’ Phelps of the Kansas ‘Westboro Baptist Church’ are both the same pack of lies and hate! Coat them both with LARD and put them in the crematorium!
“I just want a trial break to see what that’s like.”
“A wha? Alright. Whatever.”
That week, I met the woman I married. We’ll celebrate our 15th in December. The ex has hit me up on FB a couple of times. I ignored her.
oh, i love that. people always say that when they want to date someone else while they want the dumpee to do nothing of the sort.
The music sucks. The movies of Hitler really turned me off. I should have turned off my speakers.
http://youtu.be/9VKFAUTLuZA
(BTW, not a nazi/white supremacist/hatemonger etc.)
Last breakup: We were married and she was accusing me of cheating. I come home to find out that SHE was cheating on ME with a guy who had just got out of prison. After a few weeks, the guy was beating on her and busted up her cell phone. She called and asked me to help her outta that bad situation, and get her a new phone so she could get a job and be away from him… Me being a nice enough guy I won’t let a woman be stuck to an abusive guy. So I was willing to get her a cell phone. She didn’t like the ones I could get that day. So I said, “Fine, I’ll get you that one on pay day.”
Payday shows up. and she comes in clinging to his arm. I walked away…
Last breakup due to my mother’s interference of me wanting to date outside my ethnicity to an Asian girl who had a child from a prior marriage.
Had my mother also break up my first shot at marriage and basically insult the bride’s entire family during the engagement party. It’s rather sad that my mother never wanted me to have a normal relationship. She expected me to marry into money and power for some bizarre reason. I finally did marry a nice Midwestern girl and have been together 10 years.
However, I’ve only had the cops deal with one psycho girlfriend and was lucky enough to be transferring across the nation to get away from her crazy ass. The sex was amazing, the problem is the bitch was totally off her rocker about insecurity issues. She always believed her boyfriends would cheat on her and she was constantly calling or checking up on them. I got this picture after the 3rd week and back from a deployment. I was glad I got rid of her, but I do miss the epic sex that we had.
So this one time, I was tired of living with this lop rabbit…
The POWER OF LARD!!! OMG, I can’t believe I never heard that before. That was epic ear rapeage. Thanks much :-). Oh, and Me and my family, kid included, love Two Lumps. I’m the only one that reads FTF though ;-). Awesome. And yes, breakups are right up there with breakouts. Never fun for anyone LOL. On a side note, as I guy i’ve been broken up with all but one time, and the one time I broke it off she tried to get my goat the next time she came to visit the kids by showing me pics on her phone of every dick she had ridden since we quit. LOL. All that showed me was she was a dirty slut.
After 3 weeks…. “I just wanted to make my boyfriend jellous.”
Having a fetish: OK.
Acting on that fetish: OK.
Involving your partner in your fetish without their consent (or, indeed, awareness): so far from OK it can see the curvature of the universe.
If she likes that sort of thing and doesn’t want to get emotionally attached, duh, she can do a swinger’s party or BDSM play party. There’s plenty of places for a sexual exhibitionist to go without hurting someone, even in Texas.
Um, is it also her fetish to watch Mick online when he’s alone? That phone rang very, very fast. *Sigh* I guess Omar gets to meet a chick over Fetlife after all, aaaand gets to find out what Heidi’s butt tastes like. I’m sure Omar would very much appreciate her fetish. Oh wait! Oh no! Omar’s naked fanny across the internet. Grant’s doomed us all! 😉
I just realized: If Heidi had eyes on Mick’s bedroom this whole time, then she would’ve already known whether Mick had went and slept with someone else in a drunken haze. So it makes his earlier freaking out doubly pointless.
who else wants to bet she uses the “it was so hard to trust because of all my past bad relationships..so that’s why I put the camera there…” excuse?
Wow! Reading through all the “breakup” comments, I realize that I have lead a very bland life… And I don’t think that is a bad thing!
Jesus???? Seriously?