Would you believe this is not the lamest excuse I’ve heard during a breakup? I won’t tell you the WORST I’ve heard, because that was the worst breakup of my life. But here are a few excuses I’ve heard:

– I have a fetish. It’s a cheating fetish.
– If you didn’t want me to take the money you had on your desk, you shouldn’t have left it laying there. (Not an actual prostitute!)
– Jesus said we should break up. He told me.

Yes. Really. I’ve heard all these lines and more.

In other news, I was just reminded of this song for the first time in years, and I figure I can poison your brains with it as well.