Funny story: not long after I moved to Texas, I ended up romantically involved with a manager at a restaurant, where I was a line cook. It was fun at first, and we both decided to 1. keep it private from the other staff, and 2. Not let it affect our romance. I’ll give you two guesses as to whether that went well.

This summer in Dallas is being fairly weird. Normally, by now, the highs are in the mid-to-high 90s. This year? Not so much. Our pool is solar heated (read: the water heater is broken), and it’s barely been swimmable in the month of May. In 8 years of living here, this has never been the case, this late into the year.

Then again, the heat is JUST starting to hit, and ugh. Combined with my outdoor workout, I am sweating mother fucking BALLS.

But summer means one thing to us: Time to PARTY.